I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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