I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
