Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
