wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
