8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
