This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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