I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
