I think my fart just growled at me.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
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