dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I had to cum in my sink.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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