So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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