when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
