I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
