he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
