dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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