His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
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I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
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My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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