she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
