Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
