I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
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Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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