I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
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I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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