Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
