you have to choose: penises or morals?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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