peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
