He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize