I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The feeling are messing with the penis
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
