hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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