I hate all girls vehemently.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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