she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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