Your tits are I can't wait for
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So apparently I’m into choking now
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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