White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
