what day is it and did you see me today?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
be right there i have to get my cape
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
