Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
