you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
