it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
