I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
