hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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