I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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