Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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