Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
