dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
