I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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