My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
