I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
