yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
