so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
