Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
