even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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