My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
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The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
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Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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