Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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