Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
love makes seman taste better
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
