I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
