i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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