# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
