I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
