I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
