Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
