I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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