Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
