so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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