feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
