don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
