I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
