dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
