We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
