I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
