So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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