What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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