I want to walk on stilts...naked
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
