Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize