i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize