I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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