the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
