It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
