i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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