mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
