Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
