It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
