I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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