I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
