you have to choose: penises or morals?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
