My hand turned me down
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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