you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
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I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
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Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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