as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
