Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
