I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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