I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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