i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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