dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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