Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
